bulls eye

before i went to church today, i told God that if i didnt learn anything at church then i was going to go look for another church because i havent learned anything the past 6 sundays. maybe that was a little irrational and bratty, but i was seriously in need of some hearty teachings. i even have to admit that i was kinda dreading going to church when usually sunday mornings is something i look forward to. SO, church actually turned out to be EXACTLY what i needed to hear and i totally left feeling refreshed and encouraged. the speaker talked about haggai and even though he wasnt a "dynamic" or "engaging" speaker, i could seirously tell that he was teaching God's word and that God was using him. pretty cool stuff.

recently i've been wanting to give up on following jesus because it's just really hard sometimes and i wonder if it's really worth it. i also find myself really discontent with the relationships i have and just life in general. i dont really have an amazing realization about this but yah, that is an update. i really like singing this song even though it's hard to fully (really) mean it...

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life

I'm singing you this song, I'm waiting at the cross
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing you, the glory of your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in your pain